I just read a book of mixed interest, Mr. Jefferson's Women by Jon Kukla, which has a chapter on his relationship with Sally Hemmings. One interesting tidbit is that legally their children (generally accepted they are with the DNA evidence, but there is no way to prove it for sure, since technically it could have been another close family member) were white but slaves. Sally was 1/4 black (white father, biracial mother) and under Virginia law at the time, if you were less than 1/4 black, you were white. [In some states, there were much more exact standards, sometimes called the "one drop rule"] However, freedom depended on the status of the mother, who in this case was a slave.
Anyway, it seems strange in a way that the idea of his relationship with SH was so hard to imagine by various sorts. Obviously, some bias is involved, including a glorified view of Jefferson. The book underlines that we can't take the guy on a holier than thou basis. After discussing an early botched marriage proposal, which probably helped him on the path to misogyny, the book discusses him attempt to seduce a friend's wife. The friend entrusted his wife with Jefferson during an extended governmental mission and later served on Governor Jefferson's executive council, but wasn't aware of his continual seductions until the wife came clean while Jefferson was in Paris. The matter was exploited by some Federalists later on ala Clinton and it took some careful communications (John Marshall was one of the go betweens) to handle matters.
There was also implications that along with some general misogynist comments, Jefferson was involved with prostitutes (a slave was a possibility here as was a midwife) before his marriage. He also supported current medical thought that regular release of semen was medically necessary, and masturbation was not always the best way to go. But, more importantly, not only was SH only 1/4 black (the common practice of slave mistresses was especially prevalent if the woman was light skinned), she was his wife's half-sister! [Biblically, this could have been deemed incestuous] And, when his wife died, she had him promise not to re-marry. [The chapter on his wife and Sally too are somewhat thin because of the lack of much evidence, including even a picture and nearly no examples of the wife's handwriting.]
Another thing, noted by the book, is when the relationship probably started (the book suggests theories of it starting when SH was a teenager and in Paris with Jefferson is dubious), Jefferson retired from President Washington's Cabinet, and didn't think he was going back to public life. Thus, fears of political repercussions was not really an issue. Jefferson did think women had a dangerous effect on politics, his close relationship (until the Adams/Jefferson political troubles) with Abigail Adams notwithstanding. For instance, he actually put a lot of blame on Marie Antoinette personally for the excesses of the French Revolution. He saw small (and simple, except for the wine/food bill) state dinners of importance while President (snubbing a British diplomat and particularly his wife who he deemed too ornate), but unlike the French practice, generally kept them women free.
BTW, since nearly nothing is known about his childhood, the book starts with Jefferson's college days. His childhood also might have affected his views on women too, however, since he was the only son and his father died when Jefferson was but a teenager. There is also some implications of compensating here. IOW, some considered Jefferson himself to have almost feminine qualities -- he was soft-spoken, did not like large groups (though shy, he did thrive in small groups), was sensitive about his reputation (touchy, held grudges), and as noted, basically served as his own hostess for most of his official dinners.
And, Jefferson was very skilled at creating his own little worlds, Monticello being the ideal here, even if it required a bit of lying to himself (and others) to do so.* But, we see this early on too -- for instance, the book examines how he tried to insulate himself from the harms of rejection during his failed marriage bid. The famous "head and heart" letter he wrote to Maria Cosway (the book notes that they spent much less time alone -- before Jefferson's hurt wrist broke things off -- than once thought) also was a means of insulating himself from the dangers of intimacy.
This might be a theme of this book, which was interesting but a bit dull at points (more discussion also would have been useful at points; the final comment that his views affected public thought up to the present was particularly summary), a fear of women growing out of the risks they seemed to bring. Risks he might have seen as a representation of the "id" that was present in Jefferson himself, no matter how much he wanted to suppress them. Or, rather, keep them quiet. To the degree a true understanding of history requires a more complete picture, books of this nature are useful enterprises.
Imperfect, to be sure, but worth a look.
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* From a review: "When young and single I offered love to a handsome lady,” he conceded later, without noting that the lady in question was not herself single or that it was not exactly love he was offering. The review, which thinks the book [e.g., "no great gift for intimacy" does suggest a fear of a gender known for that], notes his skill at "self deception" might now be called "compartmentalization." But, the two are not necessarily the same thing.
The book also noted him covering up his involvement with the vitriolic press attacks on John Adams when Abigail called him on it during a interplay of letters started with a consolation letter when Maria Jefferson died. Tellingly, the letter was a result of Jefferson insisting on answering the first letter by not just thanking her, but tossing in a declaration of innocence in the rift that arose between the two. In effect, "It's too bad things soured, and I simply don't know why, really."