A family is a group of individuals who love, hate, trust, question, need, console, and depend on one another as they grow and mature and learn how to give a little more, take a little less... all in the same environment, whatever or wherever it may be.We are in a midst of a time where there are various court cases centered on equality for homosexuals, including in the area of marriage. One thing that repeatedly arises during online debates is some group who suggests the way to go is just do away with marriage as we know it. They often sound like some high school or college student thinking they are so smart and/or avant-garde about the whole thing. This tends to annoy me since it is not realistic and the matter at hand is that one certain group is burdened. Is this how people reacted when Loving v. Virginia arose in the race context? Also, two person marriage to me still retains a certain cachet that warrants special treatment.
-- Lynn Johnston of "For Better of For Worse" fame
But, the author of Beyond (Straight and Gay) Marriage basically agrees with them. Many countries have policies that provide rich benefits to those who are not married as noted by When Gay People Get Married by M.V. Lee Badgett in particular in regard to the Netherlands. She notes that cohabitation provides 75% of the benefits of marriage, many strengthening things by explicit agreement that re-enforces what is provided by law. And, this follows the holdings and logic of many Supreme Court rulings, starting with those (e.g., Levy v. Louisiana) that provided equal protection to illegitimate children.
Lawrence v. Texas strengthened a theme that "family" need not be considered merely a married couple with 2.5 kids. In the 1970s, the importance of extended and mixed families was addressed concerned a residency requirement that burdened a grandmother raising kids. We must not "close our eyes to the basic reasons why certain rights associated with the family." As noted by Justice Marshall in another case, right to "establish a home" has a broad reach. Lawrence underlines cohabitation is no longer something that can be targeted, thus marriage is not as necessary as in the past where a religious ceremony alone would not be enough in that regard. Cf. opinions here.
The book cites a broad interpretation of a N.Y. law regarding "family" for purposes of what a household is for residency purposes. Another Supreme Court discussion seems appropriate here as well:
Family relationships, by their nature, involve deep attachments and commitments to the necessarily few other individuals with whom one shares not only a special community of thoughts, experiences, and beliefs, but also distinctively personal aspects of one's life. Among other things, therefore, they are distinguished by such attributes as relative smallness, a high degree of selectivity in decisions to begin and maintain the affiliation, and seclusion from others in critical aspects of the relationship. As a general matter, only relationships with these sorts of qualities are likely to reflect the considerations that have led to an understanding of freedom of association as an intrinsic element of personal liberty.And, the breadth of the problem goes beyond marriage rights:
The time has come to reframe the narrow terms of the marriage debate in the United States. Conservatives are seeking to enshrine discrimination in the U.S. Constitution through the Federal Marriage Amendment. But their opposition to same-sex marriage is only one part of a broader pro-marriage, “family values” agenda that includes abstinence-only sex education, stringent divorce laws, coercive marriage promotion policies directed toward women on welfare, and attacks on reproductive freedom. Moreover, a thirty-year political assault on the social safety net has left households with more burdens and constraints and fewer resources.It is very appropriate to recognize how changing views on "family" and how "marriage" is not deemed to be all, end all here, is important in a myriad of contexts involving health care, child welfare, housing, social relationships and more. As in other countries and a few places in this one, there is a strong logic to having various types of "domestic partnerships" or "civil unions" that address various relationships, including siblings, households, parental units and so forth. Marriage would not be all that would be involved here and trying to fit everything in that box would be discriminatory and basically illogical.
These set-ups would provide a means to establish some collection of rights without the need of complex and often costly arrangements. For instance, right of occupancy in rent controlled apartments or control over them for the adults living there. If there is some flare-up with a fellow occupant, especially when finding a new location would be problematic for any number of reasons (such as age or disability), some degree of protection should be provided even if the person doesn't pay half the rent or whatnot. Any number of other scenarios can be imagined, such as two sisters owning a farm and if one dies, British estate taxes will require the other to sell. A right to life tenancy should not only exist in that context for married couples.
I am still not totally sold that "marriage" should not provide some sort of special legal benefits. "Civil unions" suggest a set-up where various types of families can be formulated, not just a two member bilateral one, which is one reason why it is not a fully adequate alternative as long as state sanctioned marriage is still present. But, in both cases, there are sound reasons why the couple has special rights. What is involved in most cases are two people from separate worlds, so to speak, coming together, and in more cases than not, there is some connection there beyond merely financial or even friend based.
Putting the latter aside, and honestly it is a little hard for me to do so, giving stronger protections to them than siblings (who are already united in a core way) is logical, isn't it? Also, often the value of marriage is that two people share benefits and responsibilities, such as health proxies, for which multiple parties are less appropriate or cleanly divided. Sometimes, this works for other two party units (or multiple groupings are easily possible, such as to share a home) but consider siblings or a parent and children. If two parties are best, what sibling is the second when there are more than one option? Another reason why "let's just do away with marriage" is complicated in specific situations. A marriage has all the components over other groups for a reason, one that is far from unreasonable, and in some ways is rather appropriate.
This is not an "either/or" situation though the concern is that favoring marriage will result in just that. But, in many cases, it is not even today. The issue of "second parent" adoption underlines this -- a key reason why an intermediate court recently decided that Florida's ban on same sex adoption was irrational is that being married is not a requirement for adoption. This is as it should be, even if marriage (civil unions) are still available. And, providing open-ended benefits in a myriad number of contexts is a good fight to make, since there are any number of situations where there is a broad acceptance to the idea. One need not be homosexual, after all, to imagine cases where rights beyond marriage could be essential for one's well being.
It does underline how ironic it is that some social conservatives find same sex marriage so troubling. As some of their brethren warn them, watch what you wish for. If you require same sex couples to take an alternative route, others will find it quite attractive as well, particularly since so many find that now.